


Have You Tried Tying Them Together

by raendown



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22964803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raendown/pseuds/raendown
Summary: Sometimes it's the harebrained schemes that end up working best, though not always in a way you might expect.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 31
Kudos: 484





	Have You Tried Tying Them Together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kaiyaru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiyaru/gifts).



> For the wonderful and lovely and generous Dori, you deserve all the gifts in the world.

For his unceasing quest to bring peace Hashirama had been called a good man by many, lauded as a kind individual with the patience of a saint and the innocent heart of a child. Many had tried to repay his kindnesses in countless different ways and he had refused them all with a smile. At the moment, he was regretting that. Hashirama wished dearly that he had taken some of the offers for a free night at this or that onsen, accepted one of the invitations to dinner at so-and-so’s table, something, _anything_ to get him out of the predicament he currently found himself in. Even a man with endless patience grew tired of standing in between his two most precious people.

Perhaps it hadn’t been the best idea to invite his brother and his best friend out for dango at the same time. He was of course well aware of how poorly they got along but despite all hurdles he‘d encountered Hashirama clung stubbornly to the hope that someday they would see what he was trying to get at and finally realize he had a _point_ to throwing them together like this. They had so much in common. If they would only calm down long enough to talk for two seconds he just knew they would absolutely adore each other as much as he adored them both. Unfortunately they hadn’t calmed down since they entered the dango shop and the owner was starting to look like he couldn’t decide whether to ask them to leave or to cower behind his own apron.

“It’s only right for me to have the honor,” Madara spat. “I’m the eldest.”

“You may be my elder but no one’s ever accused you of being my better,” Tobirama snapped back. “It’s not like you paid for them!”

Not that Hashirama could blame the owner, really. The poor soul was a civilian, woefully unequipped to deal with the killing intent leaking out of both of the men sitting with their Hokage. Sighing deeply, Hashirama solved the argument of who would get the last stick of dango by snatching it up himself and popping it in to his mouth. Truthfully he was already full and it was likely that this last stick of sweets would give him a bellyache but he figured that was better than continuing to sit here and listening to them squabble.

Chewing slowly, mentally giving his stomach a quick pep talk to warn it of the incoming extra food, Hashirama enjoyed the few moments of silence as both Madara and Tobirama watched him eat with matching expressions of chagrin. He knew exactly why they were looking at him like that. Equally competitive, they were both upset that he had just taken away the thing they’d been fighting over, thereby removing any chance for one of them to win the argument. They both detested the very idea of a tie when it came to their quibbles but Hashirama had already had quite enough for one day. In fact, he’d had quite enough to last him several lifetimes and he would be perfectly happy if they would never fight again. However unlikely that was. Since he had a few moments of peace anyway, he distracted himself from the inevitable bellyache by wracking his brain for a way to finally make these two boneheaded men just stop and talk like normal human beings for once.

The owner of the dango stall looked so relieved when they paid and left that Hashirama feared the man might faint. As compensation for the trouble they’d caused, he hurried his two companions away towards the training fields. A brilliant idea just occurred to him and he saw no point in waiting to put it in to action.

Somehow, he wasn’t sure how, the three of them managed to make it all the way to the farthest – and therefore most secluded – training ground without any new arguments cropping up. Oh they glared at each other of course and a few snide comments were tossed around but there was no yelling and Hashirama figured he could count that one as a win.

Upon arriving he spun around to face his brother and his friend and opened his mouth to announce the amazing idea he’d come up with. Before he could even get a single word out he was cut off as Tobirama huffed in snide amusement.

“You better hope he didn’t bring us out here to spar Uchiha. I must say, I wouldn’t mind the opportunity to grind that pudgy nose of yours in to the dirt.” Madara, of course, immediately bristled in response.

“As if you could! Bring it on Senju, I could take you any day!”

“Think so? I think you’re just a lot of big talk.”

“Well I think my nose isn’t pudgy!”

Running his hands down his face with a groan, Hashirama gave in before he could even try. It was easy to see that neither of them were in the mood to listen and he knew all too well how little effect his nagging would have once they actually started growing violent. Informing them of his idea could wait for tomorrow. Or never. Right now it seemed he would have to take action without letting them know what was going on first but that was alright. They were both very smart men, surely they would figure it out on their own. 

Almost as a sign of divine providence Madara had only just stepped closer to Tobirama, getting right up in his face, at just the same moment that Hashirama brought his hands together to mold his chakra. Neither of the men before him had enough time to react before suddenly the ground beneath their feet exploded with thick vines that wrapped about their bodies and trapped them in place – together. As they shouted in surprise the vines thickened and settled in to sturdy beams of wood holding them chest to chest no matter how much they struggled and swore.

With his hand on his hips, beatific smile in place, Hashirama looked at his work with satisfaction. They weren’t very happy about their situation obviously but he didn’t care one single whit about that. He had suffered through enough of their arguments so far. Let them suffer through the end of his patience now. They were going to see the light if he had to smother them both to get them there.

“Anija!” Tobirama hollered, spluttering out a mouthful of Madara’s hair. “Have you gone mad!?”

“What is the meaning of this, Hashirama!” Madara’s face was red with anger, his entire body practically vibrating as he tried to squirm. The wood held him fast but he looked ready to squirm all day if it freed him. It wouldn’t.

“Get me out of here, Anija!”

“No thank you,” Hashirama chirped. “Have fun you two!”

Feeling a lot more cheerful now than he had only half an hour ago, he tucked both hands inside his sleeves and strolled away, humming tunelessly to himself. Tonight was Mito’s turn to make dinner and he wondered if maybe she might be amenable to some ‘light exercise’ before she began cooking. He was so full from the dango that he could certainly do with working off some of the calories and that seemed to him a pleasant way to do so. Perhaps when his belly wasn’t feeling quite so heavy anymore he might check on his two favorite stubborn men but if they still weren’t getting along by then he was quite prepared to leave them out in the cold all night.

Strong shinobi were quite used to that type of thing and his precious people were all very strong shinobi.

Left behind, Madara and Tobirama shouted threats and insults at the man’s retreating back until long after he had passed out of sight. There followed perhaps a single beat of silence after the shouting finally died down before their glares turned to each other, so close their brows were nearly touching and the daggers they were trying to shoot at each other with their eyes were in true danger of piercing skin.

“ _You’re_ related to him,” Madara felt compelled to point out.

“Believe me, the second I get out of this mess and kill you he’s my next target.”

“Still experiencing delusions of grandeur? You couldn’t take me even if I had one hand tied behind my back, you frost-bitten stiff-necked worm!”

“Worm? Really? That’s the best you can do?”

“It’s hard to think with your disgusting face so close to mine.”

“Maybe if you had more than two brain cells to rub together they would work better under pressure.”

“Fuck you!”

“Go fuck _yourself_!”

Scrunching his face in to a bastardized cross between scowl and smirk, Madara lifted one eyebrow just to complete the look. “How would that even work?” he asked.

After a few seconds of blatant staring Tobirama determined that the other man was actually trying to figure out the mechanics of being told to fuck himself. It was like all the fighting energy in his body were put on pause for a moment while he thought hard about something that really didn’t deserve any thought at all. He couldn’t let that stand, of course. If the two of them were going to be tied face to face and he was required to stare at this idiot for kami only knew how long then the attention was bloody well going to stay on him.

“If you like I can draw you a very anatomically correct diagram once we get the hell out of this.” He tried for his usual confident leer and the expression was only mildly ruined by the heat of another body pressed so closely to his own. When was Hashirama coming back?

“Hmph.” Madara turned his nose up, gravity pulling the hair away from his face. “I don’t need any help from you in that department.”

“Which department was that? Learning how to better make a fool of yourself? I’m well aware of your skills there.”

There was no pleasure on earth quite like watching Madara attempt to flail as he usually did without being able to move any of his limbs. Several of the thick vines around them creaked as if in rebuke but none of them loosened so much as an inch. With the strength his brother usually put in to his jutsu, even without meaning to, Tobirama guessed that they could probably squirm and struggle until darkness closed in on them without ever making any progress. If they were going to get out of this they probably needed to work together. Life truly was cruel.

“Stop fidgeting,” he demanded. “We need to put our heads together.”

“I am not fidgeting! Obviously I’m- I’m- just shut up and do something!”

Grateful that at least his shins weren’t being kicked, Tobirama sighed. “That is precisely what I was trying to suggest. Doing something.”

“Then do it!”

“Maybe I would if you would help me!”

“Hmph!”

Dropping his chin back down brought a great deal of Madara's hair cascading between their faces in a most distracting manner but there wasn’t much he could do about it other than blow crossly from the corners of his mouth. Tobirama watched the bow shape his lips made until he realized what he was doing.

“If I know my brother then these are undoubtedly living vines. He has a terrible habit of leaving his chakra behind in everything. And watching. It’s quite invasive, actually.”

“What, so you’re saying he can probably see us right now?” Madara's eyes dipped to the wood, looking scandalized.

“Something like that,” Tobirama agreed. “Not see us exactly but more that they carry his will. It’s difficult to explain. That’s not my point; if we make an effort at least to get along I’m sure that will get us out of this and we can both pretend it never happened.”

That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say.

“Am I so disgusting to you that you can’t stand to even think about me!?” Madara glared as best he could with one eye now completely covered with hair. It was a rather decent look, actually.

“Have we not made our opinions of each other quite clear by now?” Tobirama asked. If he added enough scorn to his voice it might even have sounded close to his usual vitriol. Something must have wavered in his tone however as Madara looked away as though uncomfortable and mumbled something under his breath. Tobirama would have given half his chakra stores to know what thoughts were running through that impossible mind.

Though he waited no immediate answer came, which was probably for the best. Nothing good could possibly come from discussing the truth of how they interacted with each other on a daily basis. There were few things Tobirama thought he would enjoy less than having his motivations for certain behaviors questioned by one of the few people who were smart enough to figure out when he was lying. Madara was far from a stupid man. It was one of the reasons he made a surprisingly effective administrator.

It was also one of the reasons Tobirama found it so amusing when, like now, his cheeks dusted pink as his emotions rapidly overtook his rational sense. Riling him up was only too easy – he always did half the work himself in his own head.

“What do you suggest then?” It took ages for words to come but when they did Madara was all business.

“Do you have any control over your chakra?”

“Listen here Senju–!”

“ _Because_ I do not. Anija’s mokuton is capable of chakra blocking properties.” Tobirama leveled the other man with a judging stare. “If you will remember, that is how he was able to assist Mito in capturing the kyuubi.”

“Ah. Right.” Madara subsided, looking almost ashamed of his outburst.

Wishing dearly that he could fiddle with his hands as he so often did when thinking, Tobirama graciously decided he could let that go. No matter how easy it was starting a fight right now would not help either of them.

“So why don’t you think us out of here, genius boy?”

Exceptions could be made to good judgement, however. Tobirama narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t know, idiot, why don’t you do that yourself?”

“Oi!”

And just like that the tentative quiet was broken. Just like every other time they got anywhere close to their own version of reluctant peace it lasted no more than half a minute before the two of them began shouting in each other’s faces again. It was the same old song and dance. Everything led back to violence with them.

Well, it led back to aggression which all too often paved the way for violence. Considering their restricted positions Tobirama hadn’t expected any sort of violence at the moment and watching Madara struggle to free his limbs could have almost convinced him to show a little gratitude to his brother for trapping them so well. Almost. Whatever good will he might have had immediately crumbled to dust when the vines around their bodies shifted ever so slightly to bring them even closer together. It was a clear message from Hashirama that they needed to get along, a message that he would have been much more likely to heed if not for one thing.

Now they were kissing.

Head bowed forward as he tried to butt the Senju annoying him, Madara's face was in just the wrong spot when Tobirama was shoved forward, pressing their lips together with mockingly gentle pressure. Immediately, understandably, both of them froze. To Tobirama’s horror he found himself unable to look away as his mind automatically began cataloguing new and interesting details about a face he tried so hard not to notice on most days.

It was only when Madara's face achieved a very special shade of red unique to him alone that both of them were jolted back in to motion, twisting their faces apart to gasp for air.

“WHAT THE HELL!?” were the man’s predictable first words.

“That clearly wasn’t me!” Tobirama insisted.

“You- you kissed me!”

“I did not!”

Somehow Madara looked even more scandalized. “And you didn’t even mean it!?”

“…what?”

“Cruel! Indecent!” Unaware of the strange looks Tobirama was giving him Madara ranted on in high dudgeon. “It’s terrible enough of you to take advantage of me at such a moment but to mock me for the things I can’t control, I never knew you were so terrible! Just because I have these damnable feelings does not mean I’m going to let you play with me for your own amusement!”

“Feelings?” Shock kept him frozen barely half an inch from the other’s face but Tobirama couldn’t think clearly enough to try for more distance.

His confusion went unnoticed.

“Obviously! Don’t pretend that wasn’t deliberate! If you knew how I felt about you then you could have at least just ignored me instead of seeking me out all the time to be mean! Always so mean and sarcastic!”

“You’re mean and sarcastic too!” he couldn’t help pointing out.

“Well it’s just to throw you off the scent!” Madara swallowed, adding at half the volume, “I don’t deal with emotions very well.”

“Tell me about it,” Tobirama murmured faintly.

For a long time they merely hung suspended and stared at each other again. None of the red had faded at all from Madara's cheeks but in light of these new discoveries Tobirama could finally admit to himself that maybe – _maybe_ – he sort of thought it was a cute look. Madara had a lot of cute looks, most of them achieved when he was flailing about reacting poorly to his own emotions just as he’d said.

And wasn’t it just their luck that the exact same thing Tobirama had been doing to guard his own heart, Madara had been doing as well? Sometimes it felt like the two of them were damned to miscommunicate about everything important.

“I’ll make you a deal,” he offered finally. “You don’t mentioned anything about being stupid and I won’t mention anything about being stupid. Got it?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Madara scrunched his face together in confusion.

Rather than waste time explaining Tobirama did as he’d been denying he wanted to do for months, leaning forward that precious half inch and kissing the older man as best he could from such an awkward position. For the short few seconds that it lasted it was nice. Pleasant. Warm and gentle, nothing they had ever dared to be for each other before and everything they had both been quietly dreaming of. Those moments stretched out in to blissful eternity before they were so rudely interrupted as the vines holding them together trembled and released without warning.

They went down together with sharp cries of dismay, the ground rising up to meet them even as the mokuton almost seemed to shrink in to itself and wither. If the wood had a mouth it would not have been surprising to hear it whimper. As it was all that could be heard in the empty training ground was the grumbling of two men not at all happy to have their intimate moment ruined.

“Let’s kill him,” Madara grunted from where he lay sprawled out on his back glaring up at the sky.

“Maybe later,” Tobirama said. “I think we have more important things to talk about first.” He let his head roll to the side, watching Madara do the same and attempting a smile when their eyes met. “My place or yours?”

“Here’s fine.”

With no more warning than that Madara rolled, one leg swinging up and over until he sat astride Tobirama’s hips, leering down at him with all the confidence that put such a delicious swagger in his walk everywhere he went. He didn’t seem particularly worried about the possibility that someone might chance upon them out here in the open but then Tobirama was hardly going to be the one to put a stop to things now. Burying his fingers in all that wild dark hair and pulling their lips back together was a much more interesting use of his time and it also came with the unexpected bonus of hearing a low rolling moan as it rumbled up through Madara's chest.

And as it turned out the man was right. Right here was just fine, a fine place to start channeling their passions in to something they could both enjoy.

On the other side of the village Hashirama sat up in his bed with both arms hugging his own chest, shivering while his wife pet his hair soothingly and crooned in his ear. For the fourth time in a row she asked him what was wrong and finally he managed to swallow past the lump in his throat to answer.

“I felt them _kissing_!” he cried. “It was horrible!”


End file.
